That word has been rolling around in my head for a few days. I wasn't sure why exactly so I finally looked up its meaning.
I found that it can have several interpretations in Hebrew and Yiddish.
It's not usually looked upon favorably - as it implies insolence and audacity. So I chose the definition that seems to best fit my situation.
In Yiddish - Chutspah is "The bravery to be impertinent under certain circumstances".
There apparently is a fine line between being a brave person standing up for your beliefs - and being a schmuck.
And - that distinction appears to depend mostly on the opinion of the person on the receiving end of the impertinence.
I used to have Chutspah. I used to be brave, self-assured, strong, and confident. Circumstances of the last several years have taken their toll. The challenges have made me fearful, anxious, weak, and unsure.
But I've also discovered a few times that my instincts couldn't be trusted!
It appears that my instincts have Chutspah of their own! Oy! The audacity!
Through this process - I seem to have morphed into someone who is overly sensitive and insecure.
That's not the me I remember...
...or the me I want to be.
I want my Chutspah back!
Though I suppose I should cut myself a little slack...
...Even Superman can be unsure and needs to be held every now and then.
Hugs!
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