Not so FAQ's #23

Why does it take nearly two years to add a new blog post?

The answer? I've been distracted...distracted in the most wonderful way!

Distracted...after several years of creating and wallowing in my own personal turmoil. (see past posts)

Distracted...finally moving past the past.

Distracted...searching, finding, bonding, loving and marrying this amazing man standing next to me!



Although it didn't feel like it at the time...
...(it rarely does when wallowing)

I can truly say that the journey to get here was worth it...

...finding myself now in this place and time...

...with the man I will love for the rest of my life.






Thank you, Thank you, Thank you...

...'My Sweet Mr. Yellow Pants Man'...

...for distracting me...

...and reminding me just how grand love is!

Not So FAQ's #22

How do you keep up with an incredibly prolific apricot tree?

You pick a big bowl full every day...

Wash, dry, blanch.

Load up the dehydrator.

Crank up the hot water bath for canning...

...even when it's still 95 degrees at 9 pm...


Yield some jars of apricot jam!

And oh - what to do with the little bit left over...

...that won't fill that last little canning jar?




Wait for it...










Wait for it...

Yup!

Not so FAQ's #21

What's one of the cutest marketing ideas ever?

Socks...



..."Lovingly Mismatched".









...I wish I'd thought of that.

Not so FAQ's #20

What does contentment look like?

Like this...















...and this...





 

...and this.

Oh...

...and like this.

(Not so) FAQ's #19

What makes my sister break out in fits of laughter when looking at me from across the table?

When I'm sitting in front of the bunny cookie jar...

...and it appears that I have sprouted an extra pair of ears!

It's a new look for me...


...I kinda like it.

(Not so) FAQ's #18

Am I ever gonna figure this out?



Figuratively speaking...I miss the music.











 
I know time heals...

...the hardest part is being patient - and giving time enough time.



Progress often feels like 2 steps forward - 1 step back.

(Thanks JP - for the awesome photo of your feet!)





But the good news is that even then - it's still forward motion. 

The music is elusive....

...maybe I'm trying too hard to find it again.




I'm open to suggestions.

(Not so) FAQ's #17

At what age does someone stop learning new stuff?

At any age - life can be filled with new experiences and little tidbits of unexpected information.

Take bleach, for instance.  I've known of the cleaning properties of bleach and have used it - albeit sparingly - for about a hundred years or so.

I know it makes white things whiter - and isn't a good idea for colors.

Recently I decided to bleach some white wash cloths that had taken on a funky aura of their own.

I also had a set of 2 (ugly) gray and purple striped washcloths - one of which I was willing to sacrifice to the bleach gods in hopes of improving its aroma.

So - I dropped it in a sink of diluted bleach.






I had expected that it would end up a lighter version of its original self...but in a few seconds it literally changed colors before my eyes.

The purple and gray had become hot pink and orange...it was kinda cool!

Maybe the affects of bleach on a striped washcloth is less than earth-shattering - but I want to consider even the silliest of experiences as an interesting mystery or life lesson.

Then there was the time while raking outside -

that I thought I'd unearthed a pig snout!...

...Until I turned it over and realized it was just a nut! 


What a relief!

...And then - there's the common "side affect" of eating asparagus - one that I never knew about until just recently.

I guess I didn't get the memo.

...but that's another story for another time.



And the (Not so) FTA to the (Not so) FAQ?:  No age limits!

(Not so) FAQ's #16

What can a girl do to pass the time...

 

...while (im)patiently waiting for an elusive response to an obscene number of online job applications?

Oh.  This.

It's all good.

(Not so) FAQ's #15

If I follow my heart...

..should I make sure that my heart has a brain?

(Not so) FAQ's #14

How did you get that scar in your mouth?

You may wonder how that question appeared in my mind on this day, July 4, 2011.  I did have to go way back in the recesses of my memory to find it.

This is a question I've been asked by every new dentist I've ever visited.  There really is a scar - on the roof of my mouth - a result of a rather weird accident on the 4th of July (I'm guessing here) 1960.

We were living in Hibbing, MN at the time.  I was on the trapeze on our swing set - holding my

pride-and-joy purchase from the 4th of July parade:  a red, white & blue wooden baton.

One end was a ball adorned in massive amounts of silver glitter.  The other end was basically a stick.

I was holding the baton in my hand - stick side up - and decided to swing strong and then jump off the trapeze.  It was something I did all the time - just never with a stick in my hand.

When I landed - my feet hit the ground and the opposite re-action was the upward motion of my arms.  The stick found its way into my (obviously) open mouth.  Net result - roof puncture! 

I clearly remember that it didn't really hurt. What started the panic was when I realized that I was bleeding.  What I didn't know at the time was how serious it could have been if the stick had gone in about 1/4 inch further. 

I was lucky.  The guardian angel of glitzy batons was watching over me that day.

It healed fine, left a scar...

...and has puzzled dentists ever since.

(Not so) FAQ's #13

What's a girl to do?



Keeping the faith is exhausting.
 

After all this time...

I still don't know how to do this!

I used to think I was a pretty quick study.

But just when I think I'm moving forward...

...I seem to hit the proverbial wall.



I assume it'll get better....

(Not so) FAQ's #12

Why is it that time limits are assigned to grieving...

...but there seems to be no statute of limitations on harboring anger - or holding grudges?






Maybe anger includes latent grief that never got resolved. 

Maybe if the grieving process was understood and complete - there would be fewer angry people in the world.

"It is in the thorough allowing of the grieving process that true healing occurs". 

...so the healing continues. 

I guess I still need more time.

(Not so) FAQ's #11

When did I lose my Chutspah? (aka Hutspah)

That word has been rolling around in my head for a few days.  I wasn't sure why exactly so I finally looked up its meaning.


I found that it can have several interpretations in Hebrew and Yiddish.

It's not usually looked upon favorably - as it implies insolence and audacity.  So I chose the definition that seems to best fit my situation.

In Yiddish - Chutspah is "The bravery to be impertinent under certain circumstances".

There apparently is a fine line between being a brave person standing up for your beliefs - and being a schmuck.
And - that distinction appears to depend mostly on the opinion of the person on the receiving end of the impertinence. 

I used to have Chutspah.  I used to be brave, self-assured, strong, and confident.  Circumstances of the last several years have taken their toll.  The challenges have made me fearful, anxious, weak, and unsure.

I sometimes make things harder on myself by not trusting my instincts.

But I've also discovered a few times that my instincts couldn't be trusted! 

It appears that my instincts have Chutspah of their own!  Oy!  The audacity!

Through this process - I seem to have morphed into someone who is overly sensitive and insecure.
 

That's not the me I remember...

...or the me I want to be.





I want my Chutspah back!


Though I suppose I should cut myself a little slack...

...Even Superman can be unsure and needs to be held every now and then.

Hugs!

(Not so) FAQ's #10

Is it a problem when leaves fall from the trees?

...Only when they look like this!

(Not so) FAQ's #9

Ever feel like you're stuck on a roller coaster - trying to figure out life?

I do.


Sometimes I feel like I really don't know how to do this.

The ups and downs - and upside-downs - stomach wrenching drops - fast spiral turns - all leave me clinging to the bar with white knuckles.  No brave 'arms up in the air' for me right now.
  

I'm on a seesaw of emotions...up one moment...down the next.

Between the roller coaster and the seesaw - I'm feeling rather nauseous.  I'd like the carnival to leave town please.

Sometimes it's hard to keep writing here when I feel sad or discouraged and don't want to admit it in the written word.
  
But then I remember that writing can be cathartic - even when it's difficult.


So I suck it up and carry on....

If it's not too much trouble - I'd like to take a break and hang out here...

Scootch over little birdie - I'm movin' in for a while....