Permission to Wallow

Once again - I'm grieving the loss of a special relationship.  It's been a rough time and feels way too familiar.
 

Like before - I have a wonderful support system of family and friends - once again picking me up and helping me through it.

What would I do without them?  I'm so grateful - you know who you are.  

There's another special Angel in my life as well.  She's been my guide and my advocate - accepting and validating my ways of coping - or not coping.

She has given me permission - even encouragement - to truly grieve.  To wallow - and rally - and then wallow again if that's what I need to do.

No rules.  No judgement.  No expectations.  No time table.  No constraints or limits.  No strings attached.  In my own way.  At my own pace.  In my own time.

When I tell her how much I appreciate her...she downplays it.  She says it's just a "been there...done that" kind of understanding.

But it's more than that.  It's more like "old soul" wisdom that goes beyond her years. 

She listens intently, may comment or validate, but rarely offers advice.  Advice she does give is helpful.

She assures me that it's okay for me to be in my self-absorbed world - because it's truly the only place I can expect to be right now in order to heal.

Last week I found a job - a huge relief.  I was telling her about it - apparently giving a less than convincing performance at attempting to be upbeat.

She noticed my underlying sadness though and asked me if I wished I could call him and tell him about my new job.  How did she know?  It was a comfort to be understood without having to try to explain....

Thank you sweet Lady K - for your love and for being so patient with me.

...For giving me hope that there will be calm again after this latest storm.