With - is Better

I've been trying to figure out why I’ve been so resistant to the enthusiasm of family and friends that I should enjoy being 'single'...that I should revel in the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want.
I suppose the grieving process has something to do with not getting to that place quite yet - but I believe it's more than that.

I left Minnesota on 11/11/2009.  My wonderful friend Annie drove with me to Denver.  From Denver I drove by myself the rest of the way to California.  It was great to visit family and friends along the way in CO, UT, and NV.

The long stretches of the drive were mostly fine - giving me solitude to reflect on my life and its unexpected twists and turns.  At times the solitude was welcomed and healing - but in a heartbeat - could change into an 'alone-ness' of monumental proportions.  There were lots of traveling tears.

On my journey I came upon the breathtaking Virgin River Gorge in Arizona.  I was in awe at its beauty but also felt a phantom sadness.  I wished that I had someone special with me - to appreciate the grandeur and take it all in.  I longed to share the moment – to create a memory that could be reminisced about years later - and know it was real.  For me - amazing experiences are "Richter scale" awesome when they can be shared. 
I will be patient though.  I trust that some day that special person and I will discover each other. 

I have known what it's like to be with someone.  I’ve also been without.  With is better.